Marjorie Writes…

Mom’s Football Heartache

Have you ever tried to put a football uniform on a lump of an 8-year-old boy? A crying lump of an 8-year-old boy? It’s not very fun, nor is it very easy.

After telling me he’d hurt his ankle on Sunday and couldn’t go to his football game, my son came home from school on Tuesday (the next practice) with a bad headache. That time, I believed him. I mean, this kid would never willingly lie down in bed in the afternoon and take a nap if he wasn’t really feeling bad – not even to try to fool his mother. So since school started, he sometime decided he didn’t like football as much as he had loved it the first couple of weeks.

Last night, before bed, I sat him down for a long talk. I told him that football was a team sport, that his whole team was counting on him and he couldn’t let them down. And since he’d now missed 2 practices, I reminded him that it was also dangerous, and he needed to go to practice so he’d know what he was doing so hopefully he wouldn’t get hurt during the games. And that this weekend his huge team would be broken into taxi and pee wee teams so his team would have fewer players and he’d get a lot more playing time in the game (with 26 players, he was spending a lot of time on the sidelines during the games, except, of course, for the game Sunday which he missed which was also a smaller group of kids so he would have had a lot of play time, not to mention they won 26-0).

So I told him he had to think about it and decide if he wanted to play or not. If he decided he wanted to play, he had to go to his games and practices, always. He had to either be all in or out. No middle ground. I even asked him if he’d gotten hurt, if he was scared, if someone was being mean to him, you know, all of the normal “mom” questions. He said nothing like that was going on. And that he did want to play.  Then I told him that he had to go to sleep, no games tonight, no coming in and out of my room or whispering to his sister or any other nonsense because I had a call to a client I had to make and could not have interruptions.

I left his room and called my client. After finally getting in touch with her, we ended up rescheduling the call. So I made another, personal call that I needed to make. And stayed on the phone for a long time.

This morning, after I woke him up, he came into my room and told me he had been up really late because he was going to talk to me after I got off the phone but I was on the phone too late. (WOW – he actually listened to me and followed my instructions!) He told me he wanted to talk to me because he didn’t like football and didn’t want to play – he said it was boring. I told him he had to gear up this afternoon and go to practice and tell the coach that he wanted to quit the team, that I would support him but he had to tell him.

Now, my son has no problem telling me anything I don’t want to hear (not that I didn’t want to hear that) but he doesn’t like telling other people anything that may not be copacetic. And since this kid LOVES sports – he usually gets mad at me if we’re literally 1 minute late to a practice or game, and for the first two weeks of football practice (before school started, when it was FIVE days a week) he was geared up and ready to go at 2, for a 5pm practice, I accepted that it wasn’t his sport and was willing to let him quit. Mind you, this was the day after I ordered his new jersey with his name on it.

So this afternoon, he didn’t want to gear up, didn’t want to go to practice. I held firm, but in the end didn’t make him gear up, just got all of his gear together to take with us to turn in. He purposefully left the house without shoes – told me he had no intention of talking to the coach, I had to do that. At that point, with his mood, I wasn’t going to argue, although I really didn’t want to be the one to do it, since that particular coach kind of intimidates me. Anyhow, we went to the field and I left the kids in the car and went and told the coach that I’d had a long talk with my son and he didn’t want to play anymore. The coach asked if he was in the car; I said he was. We walked over to the car and the coach opened my son’s door and told him that it was a team sport, his team was depending on him, that he wasn’t going to let him quit. He said he’d made a commitment when he’d joined the team, and he had to fulfill his commitment – that at the end of the season if he still didn’t want to play, he didn’t have to play again next year, but he couldn’t quit this season. And he told him that one of the other players had gone up to JV (the next age bracket) and he needed him on the team because he was a really good player. So then the coach told him to gear up and come practice. I told the coach we had to go home to get his cleats but we’d be back.

We got home and my son didn’t say a word. He came in the house, I made him put on his cup and he sat on the couch and cried as he did. I felt so bad for him. I then had to dress him, which is much easier with a squirming baby than trying to put tight, football pants with lots of pads over short, tight shorts with pads and pull them up. His foot got stuck in the lining of the pants at one point, yet he still made no effort to help me. He was still sitting there, defeated, crying. Did I mention that hurt my heart? Anyhow, I got him ready and he came out to the car and we went to practice, now late. He walked as slow as I’ve ever seen him walk across the field, in no hurry to reach his team. And he practiced. After practice, he seemed to be in a better mood, but still very quiet and not happy.

I agree with the coach. My personal ethic is that if you sign up to do something, you do it, to the best of your ability. You don’t quit and let people down. Your word is the most valuable thing you have – if you do something to render it worthless, it is impossible to fully get your credibility back. And yes, he needs to learn that ethic.

That said, my son is also not a quitter and normally gives every sport his all – he is a pure Type A personality. He wants to excel at everything he does. He’s played soccer, hockey, baseball and taken karate. He’s given each sport his all and tries his hardest – and usually does excel at them – he’s just naturally athletic (he certainly doesn’t get that from his mother!) Anyhow, he’d also never wanted to play football before. The coach’s wife asked in the summer if he wanted to play, he said he didn’t. Later in the summer she messaged me saying her husband wanted him on the team, so I told her I’d ask him if he wanted to play, but I’d asked him a few times and he’d had no interest. That time he said yes. When signing him up, I asked him a few times if he was sure he wanted to play, instead of playing soccer. He said he did. Then he asked if he could just try it. I said yes. So the first week I kept asking if he liked it and he really did.

I definitely have mixed feelings on tonight. I feel very bad for my son, but it’s a good lesson to learn, an important lesson. And if he’d wanted to quit the first week or two, I would have made sure he was off the team. But he’s into the season now. I just hope he has a lot of play time on Sunday in his game, and he sees how much he likes it, or it will be a long season. Some days are harder than others to be a mom.

Live, love, laugh…it’s what makes it worthwhile!

Perceptions: A Love Story

I heard an interesting tidbit from my past last night, which I had never known. It’s actually very sweet and romantic, mostly sweet.  Apparently I was part of a love triangle 25 years ago, but never knew it (until last night). I was talking to an old friend and we were reminiscing. I said something (I honestly don’t even remember how exactly this came up) and he disagreed with me. I started to insist, argue my point, tell him what had transpired. He tried to correct me but was also evading my questions. However, some people are better than others at evasion, and he is just like I am – he ends up telling the truth because he can’t help himself (I really hate when I do that. In this case, I loved it!)

So my friend I was talking to last night, whom I’ll call Fred, was a friend of mine in my senior year of high school. He was in the army when I met him, but only 6 months older than I was – he had gone to college at about 15 and then joined the army. He’s incredibly smart, but I think at the time wasn’t sure what to do with himself, or something like that (I’m still unclear on this part). Anyhow, when I first met him, we went out for a couple of weeks and I broke it off, because he was more a friend to me than anything else. We remained good friends, obviously, and I would hang out with him and his army buddies and they would hang out with me and my drama group (rather, Thespian friends) and it was always fun. So I developed a crush on one of Fred’s friends, whom I’ll call Roger. Somehow, I convinced Fred to set me up with Roger and go on a double date with us, and he took out one of my drama friends. We ended up at this park/lake where we were hanging out and paired up, walking around in the moonlight (very romantic). For years, I’ve remembered my first kiss with Roger, under the moonlight on a beautiful night by the lake. We were walking and talking and laughing and we stopped and were looking at each other. We both leaned in close, my heart was pounding, ready for him to kiss me. Just as his lips got close enough to almost touch mine, he pulled back. “Psyche!” he cried out. I can’t even fully explain my reaction – I pulled back, shocked, surprised and embarrassed. I must have looked upset. He put his arms around me and leaned in and kissed me. Of course, given how it started, I think I will probably remember that first kiss better than any other in my life. It was at once sweet and deep and took my breath away. Oh, and this is another change from my memory, or actually an explanation. Apparently, when Roger got close to kiss me, Fred gave him a look saying no, and he stopped short. Of course, obviously, he couldn’t resist me and kissed me anyhow.

So Roger and I started dating, and soon fell in love. He was my first love. It was a love so deep that I harbored it for many years, until I fell in love with my second husband, and realized I was no longer in love with Roger (and no, he wasn’t my first husband, whom I did also love, but not in the same way). Anyhow, in the spring of that year, I asked Roger to go to my prom with me. He hemmed and hawed, wouldn’t say yes, told me he didn’t like proms, that he was 20 years old and hadn’t even been to his own prom, etc. He kept putting me off. I argued with him that I really wanted to go to my prom, that he was my boyfriend, that I didn’t want to go with anyone else. Finally, he acquiesced and we ended up going to prom and had a wonderful night together. The next week, Roger broke up with me, telling me he was getting orders to be sent overseas and didn’t want to hold me back. He knew I was going away to college and wanted me to go without anything holding me back. He broke my heart.

Anyhow,  last night I was talking to Fred and somehow this came up and he told me that Roger had really wanted to go to my prom with me. No he didn’t, I told him, and gave him all of the excuses Roger had used 25 years ago. He tried to get out of my tenacious questioning but eventually told me that he and Roger had argued repeatedly because Roger wanted to take me to my prom, he loved me, but Fred had wanted to take me to my prom and told Roger he couldn’t (despite the fact that I had asked Roger). So finally, they decided to fight it out, a duel of sorts for the honor of escorting me to prom. Mind you, as Fred was telling me this last night, I was completely flabbergasted. I kept pressing him for details. So he told me that I had been there the night they had the fight. Immediately, I asked if it was the night he tried to fly out of the tree, and laughing, he said it was. That night, we had all gone out (there were 4 of us that usually hung out together, the 3 of us and another guy in their platoon). Fred was beyond drunk that night, and was hilarious – which is why I remember the night so clearly, 25 years later. Fred climbed a tree, and about 500 birds flew out of it. Then he decided to fly out of the tree, which of course, didn’t end so well for him, since he ended up on the ground. He was fine, just got up and walked it off. There were also several other things he did that night that were even funnier, including blowing up a condom while in the backseat of a small sedan; it actually blew up almost as big as the backseat of the car before it popped.

Well, apparently, after the guys took me home, they went back to base and Fred and Roger “dueled” for my hand. Now, Fred was a tall, lanky guy, and Roger had about 50 pounds of muscle on him. Fred told me last night he’d gotten so drunk that night hoping it would make the punches not hurt as much – he knew going into it that Roger would take him, but was determined to fight for my hand. The next day, Roger told me he’d decided to go to prom with me. I assumed (for 25 years) that he just changed his mind, not that he’d “won” the right to be my date. Of course, I found out last night that he just finally agreed, as he’d wanted to all along. Oh, and Fred told me he had gone with Roger to order my corsage, and to rent his tuxedo, etc, because they both wanted to make sure I had a perfect evening. So sweet!

All day today, I’ve been thinking of this huge difference from what I’ve believed for so many years. And all day today I’ve been smiling. I actually had 2 amazing guys fighting over me, and I had no idea. I probably never would have if it hadn’t been for some random conversation I had with an old friend last night, who got backed into telling me the parts I didn’t know. Wow. Now, I have a lot of confidence, I know exactly what I’m worth (a whole lot, and I’m not talking about finances, I know the kind of person I am). However, I could never have imagined that these two guys, two best friends, literally had come to blows over me. It’s stupefying.

And it’s funny. If I’d known back then that Fred was trying to tell Roger that he was going to prom with me, I would have been very upset. I was madly in love with Roger, Fred was my friend. I wanted to go with Roger. It would have been a huge teenage drama filled with angst. Instead, I think it’s about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

It’s funny, the difference in perception that 25 years will make. As I’ve thought about it, it’s also a lesson in the way we view things that happen. We never know the back-story, what else is going on in a situation. Our circumstances change the way we view things. This is an important lesson to keep in mind – we only ever know one side of the story, even if we believe there is nothing else going on. When I was studying journalism, we were taught what to find out in reporting a story: who, what, when, where, why, how and what else. That’s something we should consider every day. What else?

Live, laugh, love…it’s what makes it worthwhile.

Contentment

I’m sitting here, late at night, relaxed, content, and wide-awake. I’m pretty happy with being relaxed and content, as far as being wide-awake, not so glad about that! However, it’s times like these that I start thinking (don’t worry, won’t set off any smoke detectors) and get inside my own head, figure out what I’m really thinking and feeling.

Tonight, I’m feeling very thankful. I don’t have everything in the world, but I have the most important things. Barring a job with a steady income, I’ve got just about everything else a girl could want or need. I have two of the most amazing kids in the world. Ok, so it was just a few hours ago I got so frustrated with them not going to sleep that I realized I was literally counting down the hours until they went back to school (about 30, more or less, at this point). However, I think they’re just excited about going back to school (my son is super excited about his teacher) and I guess refusing to settle down before they absolutely have to (in my mind, we were past that point, but who knows really what they were thinking). Anyhow, barring that, they are amazing kids. Today they were silly and goofy and laughing a lot, which is probably one of my favorite sounds in the world (their laughter). And, really amazingly enough, they actually let me have a long phone call with an old friend from high school without really interrupting me (this is seriously amazing, as anyone who’s tried to talk on the phone with me while the kids are around can attest to). Those of you with kids will understand that – they will leave you alone all day until you get on the phone, and then they absolutely can’t live without your attention.

Anyhow, and I guess one of the things I’m most thankful for is the amazing friends I have.  I don’t mean the people I know and am friendly with, my acquaintances. I mean my true friends. I don’t have a huge circle of friends I hang  out with all the time or even see regularly (although some of them I do). However, I have been blessed with a good number of people I consider true friends, whom I love and would do anything for. And they would do anything for me, as well. They have. They have saved my life, emotionally, during some really rough times during the course of my life – kept me laughing (as I love to laugh) in the face of pain and adversity. They let me cry when I need to and also give me a firm kick in the ass when I need that. Mostly, my friends are just there, an important part of my life. I am fortunate to have very close friends from many different parts of my life – high school, college, first job after college, etc. And I don’t talk to all of them regularly – some I chat with daily, some every now and then, but the thing about good, true friends is you can call them and pick up right where you left off even a few years ago. You just catch up and move on, it’s a wonderful thing.

I also have two super adorable and super loving dogs – one is the mama dog and the other is her baby (she’s a little over a year old). We adopted them from a shelter about a year ago, shortly after the puppies were weaned. The mama, Emmy Lou, is as sweet as can be – she’s about 4 years old now, half dachshund, half beagle, and just a very quiet, headstrong dog who loves to be loved. Her baby, Scampy, is the dachshund/beagle mix and ???. She’s black and white and cute as a button, crazy, hyper and always getting into everything. But she’s a lot of fun to play with and cuddle with. My kids adore them and they fit into our household well. I grew up with dogs, and always loved having them around. They are part of our family.

Now, as I said earlier, I don’t have a steady job right now. However, I have an opportunity in front of me, gifted to me by one of my dearest, oldest friends. I am so excited about it, and about everything the future holds. With the love and the people in my life, I know I can do anything I put my mind to.

Live, love, laugh – it makes it worthwhile!

Summer’s Ending

So now that I’m seriously focused on my job search, or actually have narrowed down my focus and determined my plan of action, my life seems to have gotten crazy, kid-wise. The past week was non-stop.  Today is Labor Day (actually, after I go to sleep and wake up it will be, but technically it’s after midnight, thus it’s the holiday). School starts for my kids on Thursday. And for the first time all summer, I am seriously ready for it to start. I will actually have real time again to do those freelance jobs and search for new ones without having to do the work late at night or while juggling kids’ activities. YAY! I can’t wait!

Of course, I’ll miss (as always) the relaxed pace of our days, the fun of summer activities, the beach, you name it. Bedtime is usually the one thing I’m consistently strict with (not that I’m not strict about anything else, but bedtime is usually a no-fail barring exceptions for activities, homework, etc). However, in the summer, on days when there’s nowhere we have to be early, I’m a pushover. Which means, I’ll also have more time at night, once the kids go to bed! Another YAY!

That is definitely balanced, however, with homework, the true evil of the school year. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for homework – I rarely think they have too much. I think it’s a very important part of the learning process. The issue is with my daughter. She HATES doing homework. Mind you, it’s not because it’s too hard for her – she’s a very smart girl (takes after her mom there) and when she sits down and focuses on the work in front of her, she generally breezes through it without much trouble. I love those nights! On those nights, she finishes early enough that we can all sit and play a game or watch a tv show or do something together. On those nights, I don’t feel like a slave-driver or a warden, and I’m not pulling my hair out by the time I put her to bed. I am just a regular, tired, happy mother. Which, by the way, is a great thing to be!

However, as I said, my daughter is my mini-me. While I don’t remember not wanting to do my homework when I was younger, I do remember how I didn’t do too much more than what I had to do to get by. I was very blessed with intelligence, which I completely didn’t believe at the time. I could get by making mostly Bs with some As and some Cs without studying too hard. So I did, and managed to stay in honors classes all the way through college. When I look back now, I wonder what I could have accomplished had I ever really applied myself (I will say that I think my last semester in college I decided to really apply myself and it was amazing how much more I got out of my classes, except for that business calculus class, that is!). My mother was constantly on my case about my grades, even though they weren’t bad. She just knew they could be so much better. Of course, that was when I was older than my daughter is now. I’m wondering if she put that parent’s curse on me – you know the one – where you tell your kids that one day they’ll have kids just like you?

While I can’t complain yet about my daughter’s overall grades, I do know in certain subjects (like spelling – I’ve always been great at spelling – why didn’t she get that gene?!) I have to really stay on her and make sure she not only does the required homework, but actually studies the subject matter before her tests. I’m hoping that since she’s going into middle school, which they SAY will make the kids much more independent (I can hope, right?), she will take more responsibility for sitting down and doing all of her homework without me constantly looking over her shoulder to remind her to focus and do it. She also takes great pride in making honor roll and earning good grades, so hopefully this past year’s successes will be an impetus.

So along with the homework, the school year starting also brings all of the activities and varied schedules. I become Mom Taxi again, more so than in the summer (although I’ve gotten used to it with daily football practice for the last few weeks). But at least practice is down to 3 nights a week plus a weekend game, instead of  5 nights a week plus a game. So I’m looking forward to seeing what the school year brings. PLUS, I’m looking forward to getting back to working regularly. Not to mention getting back into a regular routine. I love those days where there’s nothing we HAVE to do, but I actually get so much more done when I have more to do, if that makes any sense.

So after 3 more days, I’ll have a tease of both freedom and routine, and a chance to get used to our new schedule with one in elementary and one in middle school (different time schedules). Of course, the first 2 days are half days, which is why it’s a tease – they like half days but I prefer full days. That will come soon enough. Along with the endless homework, activities, birthday parties, etc.

Upon reflection, I think we’ll have to spend the next two days being lazy and enjoying the end of summer – maybe go to the beach on Tuesday (I try to avoid it on holidays – too crowded). I need a couple more days of fun with my kids without the pressure of school to hold me over until the next break.

Live, laugh, love – it’s what makes it worthwhile!

Coming Soon…

I’m very excited tonight! I was talking to a good friend of mine the other day about the frustration of trying to find freelance jobs online and the time it takes to click, click, click incessantly, to find very little. Now, said good friend is a computer genius. Anyhow, he had been sending me posting links for virtual positions located all over the country. So he decided to do one better – he sent me the link to a program he had written a few years ago. This program enables him to search specified categories in Craigslist in various cities (which he’s programmed) without having to click on all of the cities then the job categories, etc. He can even have it send him a daily email with updates for those cities/job categories.

I opened the program and BAM! Everything was on one page. All I had to do was select the city at the top of the page, and it had all of the writing and editing jobs listed for that city. Then click on another city at the top and search through them. It even had the first two lines of the ad under the header – so I could see at a glance if it was something that might interest me. I quickly messaged him and told him he was a genius and that I loved him – he just expanded my search area exponentially and made it so much faster! Honestly, for some reason, I had never thought of looking in the LA area or Chicago, etc, for jobs on Craigslist, even though it makes perfect sense since I am looking for jobs I can do from my location (East Coast girl here).

I also immediately told him that this was something a lot of people could use, for a number of different search reasons, and that he should market it for public consumption! This led to a few long conversations (including until 4:30am Saturday when his cell phone finally died) and he is now working on setting up the program for a website to sell various options of this service. I think it’s genius – I’m very excited for him and about this project!  And because I gave him the idea to make it available to others, he’s going to call it Margie’s List. Isn’t that sweet? (I’ve known him since high school, so he still calls me Margie.)

Anyhow, check back here for more information – hopefully he’ll have the website up and running soon and I’ll give you all the information you need about it when it’s up! Until then, I’ll go back and use the program he personalized for me and keep searching for jobs. Oh, and of course, I’ll keep writing on here about other topics. Just wanted to give you a quick peek of what’s coming.

Live, laugh, love…it’s what makes it worthwhile!

Jobs Jobs Jobs

I hate job hunting. And I especially hate job hunting in a bad job market. Both times I’ve had to find a job, you got it, bad job markets. The first time was oh, probably 20 years ago, give or take. A couple of years out of college. And now is the second time. Mind you, while performing a job search is not my forte, working definitely is. I tend to be a very stable, hard-working employee who makes my employer very happy. I have an incredible work ethic – which also continued when I was self-employed. I find a great deal of satisfaction in a job very well done.

I live in a great area – I really love where I live (for the most part). I live on a small island outside a resort town. The beach is only a mile and a half from my front door, and the bay is just a block over; it’s a very peaceful place to raise kids, with an active, small community. However, it seems the only real industry in the area is the service industry. And while that wouldn’t be my first choice, I am not above doing whatever I have to in order to support my family. However, those types of jobs generally require you to work nights and weekends, and since I’m a single mom with no family nearby, I would be spending the better part of my paycheck on childcare if I had to work nights and weekends, if I could even find reliable childcare at those times. Therefore, it wouldn’t be cost-effective. Worse, it would take me away from my kids. And I can’t do that to them – leave them to be raised by a stranger. I can’t and I won’t do that to them.

So it seems there are a plethora of jobs you can do online – such as copy-editing and writing jobs. At least that is what I’m told. There are at least 2 sites (that I know of) on which you can register to be a contract employee and bid for jobs. One of them seems to have a site problem for I tried to register on it and never received the email from them to verify my account. A friend had the same issue. We both emailed them multiple times, with no response. On the other one, I’ve been actively perusing the listings and bidding on jobs. However, it seems that I’m competing with people all over the world, many of whom are happy to work for well below minimum wage, or write 300 word articles for 10 to 30 cents each. Now, 300 words is not much and doesn’t take much time. My present word count for this piece is 345 words. Piece of cake. But when you add in research, it takes longer. Not to mention that honestly, 30 cents for anything taking even 15 minutes is not worth my time. I am worth way more than $1.20/hour. The sad thing is I would be willing to take a lot less than I’m worth in order to have steady work. I have no problem working much more than 40 hours a week, especially if I’m doing it from home. Heck, for the last probably 14 or 15 years a 60 – 80 hour work week was the norm – from the time my daughter was born I was running a business, and even when I wasn’t there I was handling all of the administrative work from home, after she and then my son went to bed. So I’m not afraid of hard work or long hours. I just have to find it.

Oh, and that doesn’t even touch on the jobs I wouldn’t touch on there. I was looking under virtual assistant positions – I am a jack of many trades who can handle almost any task out there. I came across one such job in which the gentleman (and I use that term very loosely) was looking for someone to write flirtatious texts to send to his girlfriends. The interview process involved texting him in a flirtatious way, to see if he liked your style. His cell number was included in the text of the “job” listing, with instructions to start flirting with him if you wanted the job. While I had no interest in a job like this, I will say I was tempted to text just to see what he would say. Of course, my sense was firmly in place and I didn’t do it, for numerous reasons. But I did consider texting him just for the entertainment value. If I had an untraceable cell phone, it may have happened. There was also another person who was looking for females to send him naked pictures because his “client” required one new one per day. Um, no, not gonna happen. But it also made me question the professionalism of the site. However most of the jobs on the site seemed legit (even the ones looking for people to write erotic short stories). Just one more example of the ludicrousness were the people looking for someone to pen their novels (ghost writers) – 60,000 words for $50. Now, if I’m going to spend as much time as it takes to write a novel, I’m going to try to publish it under my name. I have respect for ghost writers. However, I’m sure the serious ones make more than pennies an hour for their work.

If it was just me in this position, I might chalk it up to my not being good at job searches. However, I have a number of friends in the same position – either not working at all but wanting and needing to, or under employed, some working freelance or contract jobs with no benefits and no security. And these people are also well-educated, intelligent professionals. I have friends cleaning houses, working in stores, running their own businesses but also working in retail or for other companies in order to support their families. All of this is fine, everyone does what they have to do to provide. It’s just not right.

Anyhow, there seem to be so many job listings out there, but when you take the time to respond and put thought into a well-written, articulate cover letter and do background research on the company to be thorough, it’s frustrating to almost never receive a response. I have a resume posted on Monster, and have received several calls from companies wanting to bring me in for an interview. However, when asked what position I would be interviewing for, they cannot tell me, as there are always a range of positions available there. After talking to others and asking many questions of the people trying to set up the interviews, I’ve ascertained it’s for insurance sales positions. I have nothing but respect for service professionals of any type, however, I don’t want to sell insurance and I certainly don’t want to drive an hour to interview for a position under false pretenses, as a friend of mine recently did.

So I’ll be going to sleep shortly, since it’s now late at night, so I can get rest to be energetic tomorrow to entertain my kids, do the laundry, cook dinner, and continue my online quest for employment. If you have any good ideas for those searching for jobs today, please leave a comment – I will be happy to hear them and pass them onto my friends who are in the same boat as I am.

Live, love, laugh – it’s what makes it worthwhile!

When counting sheep doesn’t work

I really hate not being able to sleep. This seems to have become a regular issue for me. In fact, I’m routinely staying up really late until I feel like I’m going to just pass out over my laptop or in front of the tv just so when I go to bed, I will fall right asleep. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen.

Now, I can’t stand just lying in bed for hours, not being able to sleep. Half the time, at that point, I’m so tired it’s almost impossible for me to think about getting out of bed and doing anything. I’ve also learned not to pick up a book and read in bed, because when I do that I invariably get into the book and the next thing I know it’s dawn or close to it and I’ve been up reading all night.

Last night was one of those nights. After lying in bed for about an hour and a half, waiting for the blissful feeling of sleep overtaking me, I couldn’t just lie there. So I got up, hoping to be productive. I went over to my desk and to the desktop computer I rarely use anymore, but which houses my iTunes library. One of the cds I’ve been listening to in the car a lot is badly scratched and I’ve been meaning to burn a new copy (I have the whole thing on that computer since I’d put it onto my iPod years ago. Anyhow, after searching around my office, I discovered that my ex-husband had obviously helped himself to the big package of blank cds I had in there. Damn, and I’d been forgetting to burn that new copy for weeks now, guess it would have to wait another day or two.

Next, I decided to look through my filing cabinet to see if I happened to have a newspaper clipping from college in which I appeared on the front with an old friend. Of course, it wasn’t there (as I’d thought), because I hadn’t bothered to save any clips from when I was making the news, I only saved my by-lines. However, it was interesting to go back through those clips and remember some of the stories and what I was doing in my life at that time. That killed a little more time.

Oh, and I found a broken, ceramic envelope I used to store bills and such in, once upon a time. Evidently at some point it had fallen off the side of the desk, between the desk and the wall, and apparently stayed there for who knows how long – I can’t even remember the last time I actually used it, but I do remember painting it. Ironically, I used to do crafty things like that all the time before I had kids. I always thought I would do it as a mom, with my kids, and at some point hope to get back to it. I think I gave up those pursuits when my children were little – I used to always hand make Chanukah cards to send out to friends and family. I want to say I used to send out 60-70 cards every year. The last time I made them was when my kids were little (as I just said) and I traced their little fingers, one hand on either side of the front of the card, to make menorahs. That was when I gave that stuff up – it was just too hard to do with them, and they were too little to really do it themselves.  My kids are old enough now that I should start doing those things again – I always got a lot of pleasure from it.

I’ve always been a night owl, well, at least since my kids were young but sleeping through the night – as a mom, it’s really the only time I get for me. I’ve spent countless nights up way too late of my own accord – chatting with friends online, chatting with friends on the phone, watching movies, reading, knitting, taking care of the books for the business I used to own, you name it, I’ve done it late at night. And I’ve always enjoyed it. If I was really tired the next day, it was ok, it was my fault. Besides, back then when I slept, I slept well so even if it wasn’t enough, the sleep was always restful. I’ve always been lucky that once I go to bed, even if I decide to go to bed early, I could fall asleep quickly. I still don’t lie in bed plagued by unwanted thoughts and worries (not routinely, of course that happens once in a blue moon). However, lying in bed trying to sleep but failing drives me crazy!

Does anyone have any tips for overcoming insomnia? I don’t like taking any kind of medicine to help me sleep. I don’t watch tv in my bedroom when I’m going to bed, keep my laptop in the other room so I won’t be tempted to sit up and go back online, etc. I’m trying to keep my bedroom a room for sleeping, as they say to do. So far not helping.

Well, I think it’s about that time – time to go to bed and hope sleep comes easily tonight. I really have to beat this insomnia thing soon – school is starting next week, so I won’t be able to ever sleep past 7am after that. Not that I sleep too late now, but don’t have to get up that early and if I’m groggy, it’s ok because don’t have anything pressing I have to do most mornings too early. So off I go to hopefully sleep – I’ve been tired all day since I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and had to get up and go this morning, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that will all help tonight.

Live, laugh love – it makes it all worthwhile!

What a Turn-On!

I just watched the season finale of The Newsroom and I have to say one thing: that show seriously turns me on!

Wait, please, before you click away. I am absolutely not crazy, I promise. I have never felt this way from a tv show, no matter how much I may have liked it. This show is just so incredible – if you haven’t watched it, you have to. It’s on HBO on Sunday nights (well, I guess not for a little while now since that was the finale – but you can find it in your On Demand or whatever your cable company calls that section). Seriously, you know how NBC used the ad campaign “Must See TV”? Yea, that should have been written for this show. (Reading through this paragraph, I realized it sounded like an ad – I guess I should add a disclaimer that I have not been paid or offered any sort of compensation for this blog post, but of course, if they’d like to offer anything, I’d be happy to consider accepting it.)

I have a background in both journalism and politics. One of the biggest common threads I found in both were the people who work in those fields (for the most part, especially in the beginning) do it because they truly believe in what they are doing, they want to make a positive difference in the world. I remember feeling incredible passion for what I was doing, in both jobs. Both jobs made me feel incredible – like I was going to make a difference, like I was doing something good. The media often gets a bad rap for being one sided or pushing an agenda, but I still believe that most of those who devote themselves to those endeavors do so because they believe in what they are doing. Same with people in politics – both those in the limelight and behind the scenes. Sure, some people do what they do to make a name for themselves or to push their own agendas, but I do not believe that is the case across the board. I knew too many truly good people who worked very hard in both fields, and for very little money at that (at least starting out, the pay in both industries is awful).

Anyhow, The Newsroom is a very high-brow show. It is not for those completely uninterested in politics or important issues. In fact, in the show the issues tackled are those very issues facing us in this country today, or in days not too far past. In my opinion, to really be able to appreciate the show, you have to be able to understand those issues, which the show does a great job of explaining.

When you watch the show, you get caught up in the energy and the passion of those on-screen. They are working so hard for what they believe in, to change perceptions and bring the truth to the people. Their energy is contagious even to many of those watching. I get energized, I get excited. It’s amazing writing and acting – otherwise its viewers wouldn’t feel that way.

For most of my life, I negated my intelligence. I knew I was smart but I didn’t fully appreciate how smart. I’m not writing that to sound conceited, just a statement of fact which I was reminded of the other day by a friend from my political days. He said I never gave myself enough credit in that and another area. Thankfully, now I do, in both areas. Anyhow, now I embrace my intelligence, I appreciate it; and I completely appreciate it in others. I’ve discovered about myself that really intelligent guys turn me on, too, just like the show. Ok, not all intelligent guys, I mean, obviously there has to be something else there. That’s what I think it is about the show that just really turns me on – it inspires me, makes me think, I love the sarcasm and humor, and it gets me excited every episode.

When I realized that the show turned me on, it made me start what will likely now be an ongoing thought process inside my head. It turned me on because of the passion. Often, we think of passion as something sexual, but it’s much more than that. Those most successful at what they do are successful because of the passion driving their work. Passion, as defined by Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, is an “intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction” and “a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept”, in addition to being defined as a sexual desire.

So maybe to find true professional happiness and satisfaction, I need to think completely outside the box. Instead of trying to plan my life as a 42 year old, I need to try to think like an 18 year old, or a 21 year old. I need to think about what intellectually excites me (turns me on, if you will) and go in that direction. For the record, this could be challenging since I find so much of business and technology so fascinating this could really take me anywhere.

Live, love, laugh…it makes it all worthwhile!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Road Not Taken

How often do you stop and think about the choices you’ve made in your life? I mean the big ones, not the small ones. We’ve all made a lot of choices in our lives, both large and small. Life is a never-ending series of choices, if you want to look at it that way. Some of the simple ones are just daily decisions of what to wear or what to eat, that don’t really impact our lives in a big way (ok, overall eating patterns do, but I’m talking about just the decision about what to eat for breakfast, etc, assuming you have normal eating habits).

What about the big decisions? Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if…? If you hadn’t broken up with your high school boyfriend, if you had gone to your first choice college, what would your life been like now? What about if you’d pursued one passion over another when it came to starting your career? Where might you be now?

We all have so many choices in our lives. So much time to take a different path if we so desire. Recently, I had a conversation with a friend in which I related a comment my father had made years ago. Sadly, my father passed away from lung cancer 3 1/2 years ago. During his illness, from dealing with all of the related medical issues, doctors, procedures, etc, I realized that I had a good understanding of that which goes into the field of medicine.  In fact, at one point, one of his doctors asked me what my specialty was. My father used to tell his oncologist that when he got better he was going to send me to medical school. Now, for you to realize how amazing a statement this was, you have to understand a little bit about me. For most of my life, I always thought I was not good at math and science. As a “grown-up” I realize that I do have a good grasp of these subjects, and a good head for them. I have a degree in journalism and have coursework done toward an MBA. I was also probably around 37 at the time he said this. So the other day, I related this all to my friend, and he actually encouraged me to go back to school to become a doctor – only a 10 year commitment to more schooling. I asked how I would support my family during this time. Student loans, he suggested. Now, I was very flattered at this encouragement, but this is not the path that I am going to choose. Yes, there is a part of me that thinks it would be amazing to be a doctor – I find it so interesting. However, as I’ve said, I’m a single mom with an 8 and 10 year old. If I were to go back to school, assuming I could get the background undergrad courses taken as well as the MCATs during the next year, both of my children would be in or going into college by the time I was a full doctor. In addition to taking my concentration off my kids’ childhoods, it would also leave me with an incredible amount of debt in my early 50s, while I’m currently debt-free. I really don’t want to have my children inherit my student loan debt. (I paid off my undergrad loans years ago) But it was wonderful to feel that someone I admire so much thought it was such a good idea, as well as that my father thought so.

Sometimes we make decisions without realizing we are making them. Or without consciously realizing why we are making them. Years back I made such a decision, not realizing at the time I was even making one.

Occasionally, an opportunity comes along at a time in your life when you’re not ready to take it, for reasons that have nothing to do with the opportunity. Or you might not realize it as an opportunity because of other things going on in your life. At these times, it’s easy to miss seeing what is in front of you. Sometimes, you might go down the road of your life without ever realizing you missed a special chance. Then there are times where circumstances change and that same opportunity is in front of you again – are you going to recognize it for what it is this time?

I am at a very interesting, exciting and frightening crossroads of my life right now. I am changing careers at 42. I have to decide what I want to do with my life now that I’m grown up. I feel like, as with many people, I’ve already reinvented myself several times to date during my adult life. During the past year or so, I’ve done a lot of soul searching and was able to put myself back together after a painful, traumatic period. Recently, all of those pieces came together and I realized I was finally “whole” again – myself again. There’s nothing better than the feeling of falling in love – especially if you are falling back in love with life, with the possibilities and potentials that the future holds.

Coming back to my point above, I have recently done a lot of thinking and I realized that I had an opportunity years back and avoided it because I wasn’t ready for it. It was the wrong time in my life – I had just gotten divorced from my first husband. The idea of getting involved in something serious at the time was a foreign concept – I had just come out of an 11 year marriage – a 13 year relationship. I had 2 very young children and was embarking on life as a single mother. I had to see what that was and figure it out for myself. So I didn’t even recognize something great right in front of me. As I said, if we are not open to it, the right thing can come right in front of our faces and we can fail to see them for what they are.

So now I see what it was I ran away from last time, I chickened out on taking a chance and I never viewed it as such until I started thinking of it recently. I chickened out because it was everything I should have been looking for, but I wasn’t looking for it, so I didn’t see it right in front of me.

Now? Who knows? Was that blown chance five years ago never meant to be? Or may it come back around and this time I will be ready and waiting for it?

Something to think about. Can we change course and take the road not taken if it comes up in front of us again and this time we are paying attention to where we are going in our lives?

Live, love, laugh…it makes it worthwhile!

Is it really only Saturday night?

As I mentioned, I’m a single mom with two terrific kids. I absolutely adore my children, and anyone who knows me knows that my life often revolves around theirs. For the most part, I have no problem being a single mom, despite the challenges it presents at times. But then again, I’ve rarely been known to walk away from a challenge, so it all works.

My daughter is my mini-me, as I’m discovering more and more as she gets older. When she was little, she was my mom, pure and simple. Others even commented that she looked like her, acted like her. As she’s heading toward adolescence, she’s becoming me. This is both good and bad. It’s amazing because I also still see my mom in her, which also means I see more of my mom in myself (other than simply hearing her in the words that sometimes come out of my mouth). This is a true blessing because my mom passed away when I was 18. It’s bad, her being mini-me, because I so want to keep her from making the same mistakes I’ve made and I see some of them in action and she won’t listen to me in changing her behavior. Mind you, nothing is terrible or earth shattering, I just want to save her some of the issues I had to grapple with.

As for my son, I’m not quite sure who he is, other than himself. I see my dad in his stubbornness. But he is a serious type A personality, has to excel at everything he does, often seemingly without trying. Somehow, despite my complete lack of athleticism, he is a good athlete. He recently started playing pee-wee football. This scares the hell out of me – they tackle each other hard! Anyhow, apparently he’s good at tackling and resisting being tackled. After practice the other day, the coaches changed his position from linebacker to center, and after watching him I decided I did not have to worry quite so much about his sustaining a concussion or a traumatic brain injury because he could hold his own out there. (See, the stubbornness is finally a good trait somewhere!)  So now I can relax and enjoy watching him play (instead of being a nervous mother watching).

So my kids are the lights of my life, completely. They are wonderful, amazing, incredible little people (too quickly maturing into bigger little people!) – I’m in awe of the fact that they are both so smart and so kind and so loving. That said, they are still kids. They have their moments. And this weekend has been one of those times when their moments have worn me out. Of course, it didn’t help that I have had a headache for the past three days.

So I’m sitting here thinking about the fact that they’ve both been grounded. We have another week and a half to go until school starts – NOT a good time to ground them. Those of you with kids know why; when my kids are grounded, my life is infinitely more work. When I’ve taken away the computer, the video games, tv, playdates, etc, I have to entertain them. Sure, they can read (my daughter still has some reading to do before school starts anyhow), play games, take the dogs for a walk, and do anything else they want to do, within reason. However, while they are usually very independent, I have to stay on top of them to make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to. Also, they tend to have a lot more fights when they are not allowed any electronics or friends.

Tonight my son got mad at me and stopped talking to me, because I wouldn’t go to Target to get him a new Monopoly game. We’d had a quiet day (I took a nap this afternoon trying to get rid of the above mentioned headache. This was after I ordered pizza for lunch because I didn’t get to the grocery store yesterday because of my headache. Mind you, I have plenty of food in my house – no one could ever starve in here. However, everything required cooking or more than simple preparation, which was seemingly beyond my abilities the way my head felt. So after they ate their share of pizza, I took a nap to try to feel better. When I got up, we went to play mini-golf, which I’d promised them yesterday. We had a great time playing and I won, and was teasing my son because he always wins at everything (and he’s old enough that it’s not that I let him).

I had been talking to someone there and telling her how my son even always wins at Monopoly – he buys up every property he lands on, builds them up, and makes everyone else go broke. So my son heard this and decided he wanted to play Monopoly when we got home (he just got it for Chanukah). I reminded him he no longer had it. While the kids were away visiting their father this summer, I cleaned their rooms. His room was a disaster. His Monopoly game was spread out everywhere, out of the box. I had warned him multiple times that if he didn’t pick it up and put it away, it was going to disappear. So when I went to pick it up and found pieces and the paper money all over his room, in her room, etc, I just picked it up and put it in the trash. Then he got upset because he wanted me to replace it, which will happen eventually because I like the game, but not anytime too soon because he needs to learn his lesson about taking care of his things. (We go through some form of this every few years, when he gets lazy. Hopefully it will get better with age.)

The plan had been to stop at the grocery store after mini-golf for some basic groceries. I was going to make grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner and needed cheese and bread. At the grocery store, my son wouldn’t get out of the car, so we stopped at Wawa (local convenience store that has a deli) where I could leave him in the car while I ran into the store. When we got home, he went into his room and wouldn’t talk to me. When I put out their plates of sandwiches and chips and cups of soup, he would whisper to my daughter what he wanted. Eventually, once he’d eaten his fill, he was back to talking to me. And then as we sat watching a tv show together, he made several comments about wanting to be able to go on “his” laptop (my spare). This actually encouraged me, since it showed me how much he’s grown up. Instead of throwing a full out tantrum, as he has in the past, he just sulked and wouldn’t talk to me. And then, instead of trying to take the laptop back and use it, he was dropping obvious hints that he wanted to use it. In the past, he would have taken it when I wasn’t looking and fought with me when I took it back. My baby’s growing up!

So while I really should stick to them being grounded, I think it will only be for tomorrow. I will make them do some extra chores and help me around the house, I’ll make my daughter finish up her summer reading before she starts middle school in the next couple weeks. And then I’ll try to plan some fun stuff for us to do together so we can enjoy the end of the summer. As I watch them growing up and maturing in front of my eyes, it encourages me that even when they’re not behaving, it’s not as bad as it once was, and maybe, just maybe, I’m doing something really right in raising these two members of the future of our country.

Sorry if this is disjointed and rambling – maybe I should change the blog description from everyday musings to everyday ramblings? Nah, just one of those days where my mind is everywhere.

Live, laugh, love…it’s what makes it all worthwhile!