Marjorie Writes…

Everyday Musings of an Extraordinary Woman

Archive for the category “love”

Pursue Me

I have a long history of a lot of love in my life – from loving parents to lifelong friends, I’ve always felt blessed.

However, my love life hasn’t been as lucky as the love in my life. I’ve been married twice, the first time for 11 years, giving me the greatest loves of my life, my 2 kids. The second time, I kicked him out after 2 1/2 months and filed for divorce (and a restraining order). Can we say Jekyll and Hyde?

Hindsight often gives you great clarity. To date, I have had two really deep, true loves in my life. One was my first love, and one I was married to briefly. That’s not to say I haven’t loved other men, just not in the same way. I can count several other men I dated whom I really loved, but they weren’t meant to be.

I have also had some amazing male friends in my life, throughout my life, at different times, a couple of whom I may have dated briefly and/or talked about possibly dating but timing never worked. I mean really nice, great guys, the kind we all hope to end up with, the kind who would do anything for you at anytime, who would not hesitate to be there for you. In fact, the kind who would track you down throughout your life to make sure to always stay in touch and be in your life, from other countries across the world.

So last week, I was chatting with one of these great, amazing guys from my past. And he tells me he’s always thought of me as the one who got away, whom he always thought he’d end up with. That admission blew me away and made me feel so special.

Then this week, one of my closest male friends, whom I’ve known for a very long time and is someone I trust more than almost anyone in the world, said something to me that left me completely speechless. For hours. And that doesn’t happen. Anyone who knows me knows I always have a comeback or something to say. In fact, after 24 hours, I’m still at a loss for words to respond to that specific declaration.

Now, that special guy friend also inspired a blog post back in September of last year, entitled Perceptions: A Love Story ( Basically, 25 years later he told me he had challenged his best buddy, and my boyfriend, to a duel for the honor of taking me to my prom. Very, very sweet, although I wouldn’t have thought so 25 years ago.

So these two true confessions, from absolutely great, nice, special guys, made me think. At this point in my life, I know that I like really smart men – I’ve come into my own confidence with my own intelligence. And I’ve realized (several years ago) that almost nothing is sexier than a really smart man. Anyhow, both of these guys are really smart. Like two of the smartest men I know. And they’re both really into me. Wow! What a compliment.

But I digress, what all of this made me think about was the choices I’ve made in my life concerning men. Like I said, I’ve dated some really special, nice, stand-up guys, and I hold all of them close in my heart, even if I don’t talk to them anymore at this point, or often. We all know that timing is everything, and with some of them, if the timing had been different, our outcomes would have been different. But aside from those where it didn’t progress because of timing and circumstances, evidently if I have men like these two who think I’m so wonderful, how did I end up marrying those other two?

The first one is easy to understand, after so much self-analysis while working out, years ago. The second one I finally figured out too. Both had to do with either self-confidence or vulnerability.

So last night, when this truly special man essentially declared his love to me, and I asked him why he’d never told me before (even this summer, when I was hinting along those lines) he said it was due to my vulnerability at different times of my life. Yes, he was that respectful and thoughtful.

What’s my hesitation now? Well, as he well knows, I’ve had a tumultuous few years, and my life still isn’t completely stable. That doesn’t mean that I am mentally or emotionally unstable,  but rather that I’ve had a lot of instability in my life. I’m afraid of pursuing something and ending up hurting him at a later point. He’s too important a friend to me.

Where does that leave us? Well, at the end of the conversation last night, or this morning, he said that since he knew how I felt, and that I was not opposed to seeing what happened, he plans to pursue me. And that when he’s pursuing, he doesn’t give up. Now this might be a bit challenging since we’re living in different states and raising our own children, but this is the guy who twice sent me flowers while I was in high school, even when we weren’t dating at the time. I have a feeling he can hold his own here.

And how do I feel about this? I like the idea of being pursued. It’s romantic, almost old-fashioned. So I say bring it! Show me what you got! 😉

Live, love laugh….it makes it all worthwhile!


Friends and Blessings – One and the Same

I know, I tend to write about friends a lot, but that’s in large part because I am blessed to have so many good friends in my life.  As my kids are gone for a long time this year (3 1/2 weeks), I’ve been not only getting together with my good friends, but also making a concerted effort to get caught up with those who don’t live close enough to get together with. As for many moms with young kids, it’s often hard for me to chat on the phone for long, as those conversations are often repeatedly interrupted by my kids. As they get older, I do get to spend more time on the phone, uninterrupted, but my daughter often likes to pepper those conversations with multiple questions to me: Who are you talking to? What are you talking about? Are you talking about me? No, this is what happened….you get the picture.

So far in the past 2 weeks, I’ve gone out for dinner and drinks with several friends and groups of friends, went kayaking in the ocean and hung out on the beach, spent the day at a music and wellness festival, had a long lunch with an friend I hadn’t seen in a couple of years, had numerous long phone calls and even a long Skype video call with a friend I haven’t seen in person in probably over 20 years. Of course, I’ve also had a lot of quiet, down time, time to spend doing chores, working, reading, watching movies, and reflecting a great deal over the many blessings in my life.

I may complain regularly about not having a full time job and about what a handful my kids are, but I know for certain there are few people as blessed as I am.  Despite my lack of luck in my love life (which is non-existent right now) I am so blessed to have a tremendous amount of love in my life. My kids, 9 and 11 now, make me smile and laugh and fill my heart to bursting on a very regular basis (that is, of course, when they’re not making me pull my hair out, especially the almost pubescent 11 year old). And my friends? I marvel at the fact that I have been so blessed by who has been put into my life and who has stayed there.

I am a very loyal friend, the kind who is willing to do anything for my friends. And that has been so greatly reciprocated by so many amazing people, I am so thankful.  My friends make me smile and laugh and lift me up on a regular basis. And they are always there for me, as I am there for them. While I have a strong sense of self-worth and self-confidence, and know my true value as a person and very rarely doubt or negate that, there is nothing better to boost that than friends who believe in you and show unwavering confidence in you, especially when you’re in uncertain times.

I have been counting my blessings a lot these past couple of weeks, when I’ve had so much peace and quiet in my home. Granted, there is generally a lot of peace in my home, but quiet (especially during the summer days of kids coming in and out and playing and laughing and fighting) has been somewhat scarce in the past couple of months. This quiet time has given me time to reflect and thank G-d and my Angels for the love and peace, friends and blessings, in my life. I am especially grateful for my parents, despite them both having been taken from me far too soon. Between the values they instilled in me both through teachings and their own actions and words, and those beliefs they instilled in me, it helped shape me into the person I am today, with the life I have so full of friends and love.

I could go on and on, but I think my points have been made. Thank you to all of my good friends out there – you know who you are. I love you so much, you bring so much to my life. And I’ll always be there for you, as you’ve always been there for me.

Live, love, laugh….it makes it all worthwhile!

Post Navigation