Marjorie Writes…

Everyday Musings of an Extraordinary Woman

The Big C: Hereafter

I’m still crying after watching the final episode of The Big C: Hereafter. After 3 seasons (plus a 4th mini-season, the Hereafter) the series has concluded. For those of you who haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. It’s serious and funny, black humor, about Cathy, a woman diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.

Earlier in this season, Cathy had decided to move into a hospice facility – she didn’t want her husband and son to have to take care of her; she especially didn’t want to die in their home, to have her son feel of the house as it were the place his mother died.

Several things struck me after watching the end of this episode (sorry if I spoil it if you haven’t seen it yet!). She didn’t want to die at home, but in my experience (and believe me, I have WAY too much in this arena) that’s precisely where she should have been in her final days and moments. My Mom died of stage 4 lung cancer when I was 18, at home. My step-mom died of stage 3 lung cancer when I was 30, at home. My aunt died of lymphoma (after 17 years and 3 remissions) in my uncle’s home. My father died of stage 4 lung cancer, in my home. My father stayed in his condo, on his own, for almost the full 6 months of his time in hospice. It was only when he’d gotten too weak and the morphine required to keep him relatively comfortable had grown to too large a dose that he couldn’t stay alone any longer. He fought tooth and nail, as Cathy did, but I won (he couldn’t walk at that point, so couldn’t run away). He moved into my home, my dining room turned into his bedroom, and died a week later. This just felt normal to me. They were at home, surrounded by the people they loved, in their normal surroundings (more or less), but at least surrounded by love and people who loved them, nothing clinical or cold around them.

Also, she died with none of her family immediately around her. After having breakfast with her estranged father, her son (who surprised her that morning with his principal and a year-early high school diploma), her husband, her brother and her friend/daughter/mentee who was living with them, they all scattered to take care of things. Her hospice nurse came, they were going to share pie. Her husband came home to have the nurse tell him she’d passed 30 minutes prior to her return. I remember being told that people often didn’t want to pass in front of their loved ones. Even if they’re not conscious (as she was), they somehow can sense when they’re not in the room.

So this episode made me cry. But I knew it was coming. Everything was tied up neatly, which is to be expected in any kind of series where they have the ability to create the perfect ending, unlike life. But it was still a good ending.

Remember to always tell your loved ones you love them. Life is too short and we never know how much time we have left.

Live, love, laugh…it makes it all worthwhile!

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